14th February 2011

Another Valentine' day comes around. Its hard to find something done without a reason of Convenience behind it! Its very hard sometimes to find a Couple around who still have butterflies in their Stomach. Or who really have that spark of Love flying in the air. Writing love letters, giving Roses have all become a Passe! Now gifts are bought keeping in mind whether the gift bought would be Useful. Its no Longer about that spark! An Hour late to college Today, I saw that Love was still the same Centuries ago. With a number of Love letters doing its Round and Roses being gifted. It was just so good to know that that Ancient form of showing you loved someone still existed. My Cousin being in the list of the ancient form of love! I found it so Cute and Loving when he sent her His Valentine wish all the way from The States. A classmate of mine had written 24 letters just to show how much he loved his girl! With all this high end Technology available it is so good to know that people still sit down to write a letter. And its just the perfect way to tell the world I am in Love! I wish I was that kind, though I was a few years ago! But Now, alas! Cutting all the Crap. I want to wish all those friends of mine, my entire family- A Happy Valentines day! I love you'll guys!

When Perfect turns Im- Perfect!

She wondered why everything seemed a joke to him, She wondered why he kept emphasising on the fact to take Life as it came! Foreplanning was something she always did.... She would always look ahead! She knew the future seemed bleak and had the highest probablity of an Impending disaster! But this was it, he had moved on and she had just stuck on only to get hurt again! She had reached the bottom. The bottom with a million hard rocks. She would probably never tell him how she has felt over the entire episode. Rather Saga! She wrote her mind out on paper!
Mr Imperfect this is for you,
"I probably would never know where it just cut off! But I think Iv figured it out by now! What we shared back then I really can't term it but I really did enjoy the time together! Though the times led me to do some stuff which hurt people! I wish you could have just told it to me! Or maybe as usual I just assumed a lot! But whatever it is you must know that the amount I had compromised, the amount I hurt people you just added it both up and hurt me! You have put me in a fix by making me feel that I was just an option in your life! You made me feel like I was the spare tyre! But once you had got what you really needed, you left everything else! And never felt the need to explain. As usual! I wish just for once you will be truthful and just spill out what has been happening! Cause I really have not understood. We used to like being each other' friend! But now its like we just want to maintain the friendship that we remain Cordial to each other! Reminding Me Time and again of the times we shared, Which I fell in Love with again and again! Now I guess we have reached the Saturation point. And I am happy that you seem happy all over again! I may seem a bit fake now but that is the truth. Though I have been a way bit truthful with you! I wish I had not but there is No crying over spilt Milk. All I can say now is rather give now is one tight hug, cause I really dont know what to say! All the best with your Life ahead! This episode surely has to end sometime and now seems the best! I would surely love it when the old you is back! But I guess you cant bring that back once your need did get satisfied. If ever you read this, I really dont know what your reaction would be! You must be furious for bringing you out in this light. Must be furious cause I never bothered to know the truth, but you really never opened up! Must be relieved cause Im finally out! Or I dont know! You probably will never read this! I no longer can guess who you are. Cause I really dont know who you are. Someone once told me that the moments you live the most are the moments which would be lived in lies! So true. Is it not? At least for me it is! Thanks once again for everything."
She wished she could bring everything back to the way it was! But there was this fear and she did not want to put herself through anymore Hurt! Cause she had reached the tip of the peak of getting Hurt!

Bringing Up Ammachi!

Ammachi and I are like the South and the North Poles! But recently Amma discovered that Ammachi and I were alike in just one way: Both of us are like Nightmare' come alive!
Amma' worst nightmare would probably have started the day I was born. I loved sleeping during the day, I still do! But the minute my mind told me everyone was on the verge of going to Sleep, I would get up slowly and then howl my head out! Amma would get up with a jolt groggy, tired after a very long day! I realise the same thing Ammachi does, she sleeps through the day and the minute everyone' home and goes to rest she'll start calling us for extremely silly reasons to us! But extremely important reasons to her!
She has started a quit food movement at home which gives Amma the experience of Living hell by making her eat. She has had the same experience with me! I always make a big fuss to eat . As I am an extremely choosy person be it in eating or anything else! Ammachi supports me in the same but maybe I am a few slabs better than her! Though I have the gene of
praising myself which Ammachi does not!
I have always made Amma be a spectator of my life! I have never made them run my life upto now! The last a mother would want are Children running their Life! No wonder they say what goes around comes back around. So Parents look after children upto a particular time and after that how ever tough it is for parents to accept they have to hand over the baton to their children! They have to trust their children and make them run the race for them! After all did they not bring you pride all the years where they ran their own race? Ammachi was a very active person and she has also never made anyone run her life and now it is so tough to even think that she cannot do a single thing. Now as my little brother has also taken over the baton from my parents. They are living in a world filled with Angelic Devils. Because how ever angry you get with us, you just let it melt away once you look into our eyes and realise that we did not do anything intentionally. But believe me, We could easily form a living hell for anyone!
Hats off Amma and Ramaniammachi for bringing up Ammachi! And of course Amma for bringing me Up! You do deserve a Standing Ovation.

From Ammachi to Amma to Me!

Malayalam movies have this way of getting around which no other Stream of cinema has, on Me! Its genre always being oriented towards family! I have been a fan of Malayalam movies from a very young age, though the language doesn't come across as a cake walk for me! Its a walking, talking real life scenario which we just have not heard about! Recently, I was watching this movie in which the heroine' words caught my attention! She told that she had never seen her mother, never heard much of her but she knows that she loves her mother very much! I wondered what kind of love was that? An unseen Love? An unheard Love? Love in it' purest again! I by the Grace of God have grown up with a Mother! But not once have I recalled ever Thanking her for just being there, Ever telling her that I love her! She may not be the best in a scale of the best Mother', but after all she is my mother! That love is there, it is an underlying Love which I guess not every Child talks about! The same happened to a generation before, My Grandmother and her daughters! Ammachi may not be the best! She may fight, hurt people' feelings.... but as I have said once before and I say it again "The truth always Hurts!". And at times we need to be brought back to reality rather than sitting on cloud 9 and think all is well with the world! Ammachi has always spoken her mind on anything and for those reasons she is not the most loved! But I know how much ever Daughters and Mothers fight, there is an underlying Understanding and Love they will always share! This is dedicated to My Ammachi and My Ma to tell them how much I love them! To my Aunts and Cousins (the girls) That each one of you have taught me so much about Life and Love! Thank You And I Love you all a lot!

When Perfect turns Im- Perfect!

She had been through enough to realise she was Truly, Madly, Deeply in Love with Imperfect! She knows it will always be a long lost dream, a dream which she once dreamt of! A White wedding with The Imperfect guy she loved! She never once thought of Mr Perfect! It would hurt him she knows but it would hurt her if she carried on! She would rather have Loved and then Lost, than to have never loved at all! She wonders whether she is self centered.... She wonders whether she should slowly make an exit out of this "Love Triangle"! She does not want to be the reason for many a heartbreak, cause even she had been at the receiving end and OUCH it did hurt! She probably will never tell Imperfect about this, She would never have the guts to ever...... but one day she wishes he will come to know! Love Stories so complicated yet we cant live without them! The journey this far has been Great, But she knows if She carries on...... it would just hurt her and even more all the people who love her! Guess this is the finale..... But the ending aint happy! Someone once told me when I was small, "If your story' ending aint happy, That aint the ending!" She hope' Some day..... Her Dream would come true!

When Perfect turns Im-Perfect

The Heel Of Achiles for many young girls is their heart.... It was no different for her! She always made Her Heart the judge of Matters of the Heart... Only to get hurt, time and again! Her mind would warn her about the Implications her actions would lead to... Alas, her heart seemed like a young, free spirit! She gathered up all her courage to tell Mr Imperfect what was in her mind, Only to get a simple reply "... but Mr Perfect stole you away!" Mr Perfect did not steal her away, He had given her an Ultimatum! An Ultimatum which she thought she would never be able to give! She love' Mr Perfect for him but...! She wondered if She should let go... She wondered whether it was worth fighting for... She wondered if it was all worth the hurt she had been put through! Alas... The umpredictable things of Life always remain unpredictable! Maybe she should follow the basic rule of Life: " When you let go of something You badly need in your life and if it does come back, It was always yours!"

Its Christmas Time Once again....

When we were small, Christmas was always spent with Appacha and Ammachi! Everyone came down, leaving all the work and studies they had just to enjoy being with the family! It was a time filled with shopping and gifts and Santa and Church and Love and Laughter and Happiness and Prayer! Though none of us have ever reached the Church on a Christmas morning, excluding Appacha and Ammachi! Thinking of Christmas now, I miss Appacha a hell lot and Of course, The joy shared during Christmas! In this fast, modern, Tradition less world, It was a joy to hear that excitement of Christmas when I spoke to Chechi! The things they would do when they meet! It reminded me of a Christmas so long ago when everyone was there without a qualm, as if Attendance was taken! Exams having over ridden Christmas has not let the Christmas Spirit out! After all, Christ is with us, Christmas or not! So However we celebrate Christmas with a hell lot of work or with exams, When December arrives... It is Christmas Time once again!